Private: The truth about my apartment

In the last month I’ve forced myself to recognize that I’ve become a hideous slob.

In some ways it’s not so bad. I (and Max) don’t let dishes pile up in the sink. We change the sheets and take out the garbage and clean the bathroom regularly.

But I honestly can’t remember the last time I dusted the place. Also, I’ve evidently managed to break our vacuum cleaner. I can run it over the same square foot of carpet five or six times without any notable reduction in the cat hair and other stuff on the floor.

And I’ve accumulated a trash bag full of credit card offers and student loan bills and other, sensitive documents that I’m afraid to put out next to the street without shredding them beforehand.

Since I’ve broken several small, cheap shredders over the years, I finally decided to buy a new, expensive, heavy-duty shredder on Ebay.

Max & I lugged it home from my office on Friday–it’s huge–and I set it up and got through half the bag before the shredder jammed so seriously that the feed wheel won’t even turn anymore.

I have a hideous chandelier hanging over my bed. Acoustic tile serves as my living room ceiling. There is permanently mildewed grout at the top of my shower stall that, even with my step-stool, I can’t reach sturdily enough to remove and replace.

(I’ve mentioned before that there is no bathtub in our apartment. There’s only a narrow stall. Water shoots down in a paralyzing stream from the shower head stuck in the center of the ceiling.)

Our landlords have forbidden us to pull up the old, stained carpet and paint the old wood floors, so we replaced most of the old carpet with drab beige remnants that we purchased from ABC Carpet & Home just before we moved in a year and some-odd months ago.

But we never recarpeted the bedroom. And there’s a gigantic roll of carpet on our bedroom floor, conveniently poised for the day that we’re suddenly overcome with a desire to move everything out of our room, lay out some foam padding, trim the carpet and nail it down.

We repainted most of the rooms before we moved in, but although we started repainting the bedroom we never finished.

Instead, for months, each weekend we convinced ourselves that “sometime in the next month” we’d actually get around to repainting the top half of the wall. We kept a ladder handy in our bedroom for this eventual repainting. Finally, when the ladder had been there for more than a year, we were forced to recognize the extent of our sloth, and we moved it out of our apartment. The walls still have not been repainted.

This weekend we resolved to buy a new sleeper sofa and dresser with our tax refund, and to get started on all of the home-improvement stuff we keep putting off.

First on the agenda was shredding the documents, and I’ve already said that didn’t work out so well.

But we did accomplish a few productive things. I spent about an hour yesterday vacuuming the apartment with the hose attachment nozzle. That part of the vacuum cleaner still works.

And we bagged up all of our old clothes and shoes and lugged them out of our place forever. We left four or five bags next to the street, and they were gone by early evening.

The better stuff we took to Beacon’s Closet and ended up with $175 in store credit.

We promptly spent the credit on more impractical clothes and accessories that we’ll eventually bag up and leave next to the street, etc.

Do you think some people are just meant to be slobs?

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