The funniest “Shouts & Murmurs” in months

From Michael Sacks’ “A Leaflet Dropped Over Amy Weller’s House“:

Amy Weller, my girlfriend, my love, please look up. The thousands of brightly colored leaflets that you see cascading down from this rented airplane can mean only one thing: that I am an extremely successful businessman, community leader, boyfriend, bon vivant. There is no denying these facts. To think otherwise would be 100% wrong.

More facts: Mike Sacks is dynamite, strong, captivating. Mike Sacks enjoys reading to senior citizens. Mike Sacks enjoys cooking delicious hot meals for strangers. Mike Sacks enjoys telling amusing stories, softly and clearly, to immigrants, children, and, on occasion, to the infirm. You didn’t know about all of this? It’s true!

Wow! There is just so much that Amy Weller does not know about her boyfriend, Mike Sacks, whom she has not seen for two weeks and who now goes by the slightly more exciting, grownup, and respectable name of MICHAEL SACKS.

But what’s that you’re thinking? MICHAEL SACKS is an out-of-work furniture salesman, and has been ever since slipping on that spilled Frappuccino outside a Starbucks in the Congressional Strip Mall, Rockville, Maryland (7/4/99)? And what’s that you’re also thinking? Could this MICHAEL SACKS be the same handsome-ish gentleman who for years pretended to search for a new job each morning, only to sit in the public library all day, sleeping off the effects of deep, unrelenting depression?


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