Private: Resolutions for others, part 2 has posted readers’ resolutions for other people, along with some erotic poetry and an essay on the topic of New Year’s.

My resolutions are posted at, but I’ll repeat them here in case I forget to change the link to the archive URL (I can’t figure it out at the moment):

I resolve for Alyson Hannigan to drop the doe-eyed, perplexed schtick.

I resolve for New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg to obsess about something other than cigarettes.

I resolve for my father to stop dating women with the same first names as my sister and me.

I resolve for the words "humbled and honored" never again to escape G.W. Bush’s lips. (See also, "evildoers.")

And, finally, I resolve for the person sending the “see 15-year old girl f*cked by horse with giant c*ck” spam I’ve been receiving lately to be locked in a small closet with said horse.

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