Private: Pick up the crack pipe before somebody gets hurt

The Defective Yeti considers fatherhood:

The advice for women is usually, like, 330 pages long; the part for men is typically a few paragraphs tacked on before the index….

Actually, there is one thing all the pre-conception books advise fathers-to-be to do: stop using illicit drugs. Sadly, this doesn’t apply to me. Which is a shame, because if I had a nice, unhealthy addiction to something, I could quit cold turkey and then I would get beaucoup credit from The Queen, what with the agonizing detox and horrific withdrawal process….