Now can I have the constitution back?

Dave Barry has written a blockbuster novel inspired by The Da Vinci Code, that book your relatives can’t put down (unless your relatives are like my mother and believe The Da Vinci Code is satanic and immoral and that you should read the Tim LaHaye books instead):

MOTHER ON BEACH: Help! My child is being attacked by a shark!

LIFEGUARD (looking up from “The Da Vinci Code”): Not now! I just got to page 243, where it turns out that one of the men depicted in “The Last Supper” is actually a woman!

MOTHER: I know! Isn’t that incredible? It turns out that she’s …

SHARK (spitting out the child): Don’t give it away! I’m only on page 187!

The key to “The Da Vinci Code” is that it’s filled with startling plot twists, and almost every chapter ends with a “cliffhanger” so you have to keep reading to see what will happen. Using this formula, I wrote the following blockbuster novel, titled “The Constitution Conundrum.” It’s fairly short now, but when I get a huge publishing contract I’ll flesh it out to 100,000 words by adding sentences.