Me:

Soon I’ll need to decide between a trip to visit my dog-hoarding, religious fanatic mother in Asheville, North Carolina, and the trip to Mississippi.

Wise acquaintance:

That’s like, Would you rather have shingles or lockjaw? Personally, I’d pick lockjaw (MS).

As it happens, the shingles won out. The sister and I will be driving down to Asheville for Columbus Day weekend.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to put down this razor blade.