Private: Misty land of music where the feet are never still

Others have been covering the Madonna book and other ridicule-worthy developments so cleverly that it has seemed pointless to trail behind, picking up rose petals and offering lesser witticisms.

We here at are aware that we should be prepared to step into the breach. Alas, we have not had enough coffee, it’s tough to light cigarettes in this weather, and our I.Q. is not, after all, that high. The boss lingers in the next office. We have a feeling that her appearance in our own work area is imminent.

So, two quick links.

The other Madonna book – an extract, by Caroline Bennett:

Once there was a country called England. The people who lived there thought they were terribly clever. In fact they were dreadfully old-fashioned and dreary. And if you don’t believe me, just take a look around. Boy, were they stupid.

But the English people were lucky because one day a lovely young woman called Madonna came from far away to live among them. She was beautiful and kind with long golden hair and a singing voice like an angel, and all the ugly English people should have admired her a lot….

Also, if it’s all the same to you, we’ll go by ML Newton from now on. (Second item.)