Private: Look, a flying kitten! Oh, wait. Nevermind

In this story, about a kitten who had the misfortune of being flung from a moving car, I was struck by this sentence:

“She’d read the paper and was waiting for us to open up,” said Linda Kemp, senior cruelty agent at the society.

Linda Kemp’s job title is “senior cruelty agent.” That’s the kind of job title Mengele would have killed for. I mean, wouldn’t it be kinder to just call her Satan?

Note: Don’t worry — the kitten is apparently doing just fine. According to nonexistent sources, it’s been well enough to get back to its normal routine — namely, frolicking with balls of yarn, chasing its own tail, and peeing and pooping on expensive rugs.