Private: If Fabio were a literary genre

Nerve is sponsoring a Bad Erotica Contest. Write your own or submit a found passage.

Here’s how the folks at Nerve define bad erotica:

[It] intends to turn you on, but is more likely to make you laugh or squirm with second-hand embarrassment. Or even better, it turns you on and makes you laugh and squirm with secondhand embarrassment. It’s flowery, it’s turgid (the prose as well as the throbbing logs, that is), it’s descriptive, it’s purple, it’s X-rated. If Fabio were a literary genre, he’d be bad erotica.