How could they let me up here with no pants?

Both Maud and I really enjoyed Sean Carman’s Nightmare, in which he anticipates George Bush’s speech to the Republican National Convention:

Where was I? Oh yes, we’re a strong nation. Afraid, but still strong. Wait, where are my pants? Oh my God, how could they let me up here with no pants? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Where’s Karl? My shirt tails barely cover me … oh this is awful … maybe if I hunker down here …

Delegates, members of our party, while I’m hunkered down here, please look up at the overhead Jumbotron, where you will see, if I’m not mistaken, images of me, wearing only my cheerleading sweater, being paddled by two young men dressed only in leather thongs. Good Lord. That’s the basement of Skull and Bones. Why are they showing this? What’s going on?

And don’t miss Emily Weinstein’s An Open Letter to Officials of the United States Government Regarding What’s New in My Reproductive Area.


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