Bad sex

Some readers have sent excited email about Neal Pollack‘s new Bad Sex column at Nerve. I’m posting the link for all you Pollack fans. For my money, Jonathan Ames is the master of funny stories about bad and thwarted sex. Here’s an excerpt from an old New York Press column in which Ames revealed that his strategy for overcoming an obsession with women’s breasts led to other sexual fetishes:

I thought of contacting the Kinsey Institute and asking to be allowed to nurse on 100 women lined up in a gymnasium. I thought that might heal me once and for all; the idea being to demystify the breast, to get my fill. Later, I did attempt such a cure on my own when I moved to New York in 1992 and frequented the suckling booths of a peepshow on 43rd St., though I was often concerned about getting TB from the nipples of those women. They didn’t seem to wash their boobs between clients, but I never developed a bad cough, and I think the cure worked on my breast problem–by 1993, after just a few months of steady nursing, I was interested in all parts of the female anatomy–including the penis. Turns out that right next to the peepshow on 43rd St. was a legendary trannie bar, Sally’s. So I cured myself of my bosom condition, and then right next door I developed another problem, which took me years to get over. But this is one of the strengths of my character: when it comes to sexual fetishes, I can’t be pigeonholed! I’m always changing, always growing!

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